7 posts tagged “wank”
In the 'books' section of the Times today, there was an article on how to write chick-lit. Much to my surprise there was some decent advice in there - concerning dialogue, description, etc - but they also had tips from "stars of the genre", one of which made me want to kill someone.
"The worst thing you can do is to concentrate on plot at the expense of the characters. As long as the characters live and breathe, not an awful lot need happen. Don't get too complex."
~ Freya North
The first sentence I could have accepted. A story needs good characters. But the rest....
Admittedly, this is partly personal preference. I like to read stories that are packed up to the eyeballs with complex plot, as well as a cast of interesting characters. I know some people much prefer character-fiction, where plot is very much on the sidelines. (I personally can't think of anything more boring. Oh, wait..... Nope, more boring even than prizegiving-day speeches back at school.)
I hope wannabe-writers don't take this woman's "advice" seriously. Not everyone likes plot-less stories, and telling writers to write them without saying it's not the way everyone wants books is rather stupid.
But then again, nothing really happens in chick-lit, does it? The
woman buys some shoes, angsts a bit about the guy she wants but can't
get and about her expanding waistline, and then buys some more
shoes. Give me guns and explosions any day.
Finished an essay. It's assessed, and really not that great, but I have to head over to uni now to hand it in so I don't have time to make it better. Whatever.
Can't help but snigger at the first line in this comment to a post about getting books turned into a movies. "Oh wow, you write epic fantasy! How original!" While I'm not dissing the idea of epic fantasy being good, the ratio of 'people who think they're writing The Next Great Fantasy Epic' to 'people actually writing good fantasy' generally supports my urge to snark. But snarking in this community is NAUGHTY so I must keep it here. (for those who've not seen it: keep scrolling down, that thread keeps getting better and BETTER)
On that books-to-movie topic, if I finish any of my weirder stuff I'd kill to have it animated by Studio Ghibli. But that's stepping right into Totally-Awesome-But-NEVER-Going-To-Happen territory. *keeps dreaming*
Going up to Scotland for my gran's funeral. Will return on Saturday.
Reviews of hilarity for the Eragon movie.
Oh, shitty movie, you were doomed from the start by the nature of the
book you film-ised. And oh, poor John Malkovich, why did you let
your name be sullied? On a slightly positive note, the guy
playing Murtagh is the same guy who played Patroclus in Troy (but...
Agamemnon survives to be killed by Clytemnestra... Menelaus returns
home to Sparta with Helen... Ajax kills himself after failing to win
Achilles' armour... WWHHHYYYY??????) and that guy isn't bad on
the eyes. Sadly, one hot boy is not nearly reason enough to see
this dire excuse for a fantasy movie. I would rather spear myself.
Found this via a friend's flist, where it was also being mocked: the album released by Peter Andre and Katie Price (aka Jordan). Complete with wanktastic reviews!
Check out these comedy gold lines:
"When you hear Jordan and Peter together, you understand immediately what they're about. This isn't about the money, this isnt about the mass of press and media attention that will be lavished upon them, this isn't a cash in on their, supposedly, fading star capabilities. Anyone who believes that is clearly a paedophile."
My God. I want to have sex with small children. Thank you, oh wonderful reviewer, for explaining what is wrong with my life!
"this album must surely be preserved by the nation as being of huge cultural significance."
No! Get out of my nation! And stop trying to speak for it!
And then there's the person who seems to think he/she's reviewing a book.
*backs away slowly*
So, Laurell K Hamilton has been helping to transform her Anita Blake books into comics (and by 'help', I mean refusing the artists/writers to deviate at all from the book which will be interesting once they hit the full-on porn that is book 10 onwards). She's also been going on about how she's going to revolutionise comics, open them up to girls and other wanktastic shit like that.
Enter Tamora Pierce, a YA fantasy writer whose work I still keep an eye on despite her Sueish characters. Along with her husband she too seems to be doing a comic, of something not from her previous works, and in an interview the hubby said something quite ammusing:
NRAMA: Have you talked to Marvel about any other projects?
TL: At this point, no. We want to get this first arc up the flagpole and see who salutes it before we Begin Our Master Plan To Transform Superhero Comics Forev-... oh, sorry! I was channeling Laurel K. Hamilton's agent for a minute there.
Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Something I've noticed about the world of science fiction and fantasy is an aspiration among some to strive for something noble and grand, to say something profound in their work. Take, for instance, this extract from the submission guidelines to Asimov's Science Fiction magazine:
"A good overview would be to consider that all fiction is written to examine or illuminate some aspect of human existence, but that in science fiction the backdrop you work against is the size of the Universe."
Why, exactly, does this need to be the case? Why should any
fiction strive to convey a greater message? Whatever the heck
happened to writing for the simple pleasure of crafting a story,
creating and developing characters, and watching it all come together
in a conclusion?
My stories have no greater meaning. I am not setting out to say something meaningful about humanity. If there are morals and themes to be found in my work, then that's because they crept in without my being aware of them. You can blame my muses for morality or lack thereof in their lives; I certainly don't decide that about them.
I find it annoying that Asimov's might reject a story because it
doesn't deal with profound statements about humanity. I think
they're underrating the simple joy of a story.
I had no idea that Paolini ripped off Star Wars SO MUCH. I mean, it was obviously one of his many inspirations, but the similarity of the two is argh"^%!$%"!$...*descends into rage about how blatant unoriginality got published*
For those of you who are also pissed off about the crapness of the Inheritance trilogy (currently Eragon and Eldest) by Christopher Paolini, check out the website and the LJ community.
