11 posts tagged “funniness”
So I just got told that I need to find a WW1 propaganda poster to print off and bring to my class tomorrow. I ran to google images, and unearthed the following comedy gold:
Oh man. Americans were hilarious back then too!
I just got given this birthday card from my flatmate, Karim:
He knows me too well! *is still laughing*
My birthday's not til the 26th, but term's ended and we're all drifting
homewards so I got the card and two gifts now. Those two gifts
being chocolate. For the win!
Reviews of hilarity for the Eragon movie.
Oh, shitty movie, you were doomed from the start by the nature of the
book you film-ised. And oh, poor John Malkovich, why did you let
your name be sullied? On a slightly positive note, the guy
playing Murtagh is the same guy who played Patroclus in Troy (but...
Agamemnon survives to be killed by Clytemnestra... Menelaus returns
home to Sparta with Helen... Ajax kills himself after failing to win
Achilles' armour... WWHHHYYYY??????) and that guy isn't bad on
the eyes. Sadly, one hot boy is not nearly reason enough to see
this dire excuse for a fantasy movie. I would rather spear myself.
Found this via a friend's flist, where it was also being mocked: the album released by Peter Andre and Katie Price (aka Jordan). Complete with wanktastic reviews!
Check out these comedy gold lines:
"When you hear Jordan and Peter together, you understand immediately what they're about. This isn't about the money, this isnt about the mass of press and media attention that will be lavished upon them, this isn't a cash in on their, supposedly, fading star capabilities. Anyone who believes that is clearly a paedophile."
My God. I want to have sex with small children. Thank you, oh wonderful reviewer, for explaining what is wrong with my life!
"this album must surely be preserved by the nation as being of huge cultural significance."
No! Get out of my nation! And stop trying to speak for it!
And then there's the person who seems to think he/she's reviewing a book.
*backs away slowly*
What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard?
Submitted by ShellEy.
Mr. Lame: "Are you a good kisser?"
Me: "Yeah."
Mr. Lame: "Prove it."
Me: "Uh.... no. I have a boyfriend." *is too shocked by lameness to think of something witty to say*
Mr. Lame: "I bet your boyfriend's doing exactly what I'm doing now."
Me: *looks at watch* "Actually, he's cleaning out the milkshake
machine at McDonald's in Arundel right now." *starts laughing at
lame-ness*
All true excerpts from stories submitted to Asimov's Magazine. Some personal favourites:
"Weston was known for the firm but genital hold he had on his men. It
was one of the reasons he was chosen for this mission over six other
equally qualified men." This, my friends, is why the gods invented proof-reading.
"John wasn't at all surprised at the transformation of his body into what he believed were light waves." Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
"Ejaculations aside, that's one hell of a package to swallow!" Is it now?
"Instinctively, without thinking about it, he grabbed the woman and hugged her and then gave her breasts a couple of playful pinches. "Commander please," she said as she blushed and began yodeling." *sides.... splitting.... can't...... breathe......*
"A large serf of joy rode under Lisa's face." I'm just trying to picture that and... let's say that's an amusing image I'm holding onto for my next dull class.
You know, this gives me faith in my own ability to get some of my short
stories published, because if people are writing things like this then
I'm already doing better than a fair few of my competitors.
So, Laurell K Hamilton has been helping to transform her Anita Blake books into comics (and by 'help', I mean refusing the artists/writers to deviate at all from the book which will be interesting once they hit the full-on porn that is book 10 onwards). She's also been going on about how she's going to revolutionise comics, open them up to girls and other wanktastic shit like that.
Enter Tamora Pierce, a YA fantasy writer whose work I still keep an eye on despite her Sueish characters. Along with her husband she too seems to be doing a comic, of something not from her previous works, and in an interview the hubby said something quite ammusing:
NRAMA: Have you talked to Marvel about any other projects?
TL: At this point, no. We want to get this first arc up the flagpole and see who salutes it before we Begin Our Master Plan To Transform Superhero Comics Forev-... oh, sorry! I was channeling Laurel K. Hamilton's agent for a minute there.
Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
In the near future, the USA is ruled by bloodsucking vampire hordes and only one man can end their reign of terror.
What would Jesus do?
I need this comic like junkies need crack.
*is definitely procrastinating*
Am currently trying to get my way through the short answers for my AMC - aka floor manager test - and it is such a load of bollocks. Check this: The Ten Commandments for Customer Satisfaction. Because Moses and God simply didn't get it right.
1: Remember that the most important people in your restaurant are your customers.
2: Understand that customers do not depend on you; you depend on them.
3: Do not think of customers as interruptions. They are the whole reason for your work. They are our gods, our shining light, our entire reason for existing on this earth. We definitely didn't go into this line of work for the flexible hours and just-above-minimum-wage-pay.
4: Recognize that customers do you an honor when they eat at your restaurant.
5: View customers as part of your business, not as outsiders.
6: Treat customers as people with feelings just like yours. But they're so fucking stupid!
7: Never argue or match wits with a customer. Aww, but that's the best part!
8: Fill customer needs in every way you can. I am definitely not satisfying the needs of that creepy old man who tried to hit on me a few weeks back. Nuh-uh.
9: Give customers courtesy and attention.
10: Make sure your crew members are as neat and clean as customers expect them to be.
Oooh, and then there are The Company's set of Core Values:
1: We are dedicated to providing
customers unparalleled levels of Quality, Service, Cleanliness and Value.
It is what Ray Kroc (our Founder and Jesus) taught us.
2: We are committed to our people
because we know that a diverse team of well-trained individuals working
together is the key to our continued success.
Otherwise known as "let's exploit immigrants!!!"
3: We approached all aspects of our
business with honest and integrity. Ha! No comment.
4: We always give back to the
communities in which we do business. ...By contributing to local obesity rates?
5: We celebrate our achievements, yet we
are never satisfied with our results. Doesn't that have a kind of Catholic ring to it?
A while ago I stumbled across The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, a totally awesome flash toon depicting a bloody battle between various superheroes. Including Goku! *cue fangirlish squeeing*
Anyway, while definitely NOT procrastinating today, I found the follow spinoffs...
1) The lyrics. Now you can sing along!!!
2) The wiki page. Complete with a chart listing all the characters and how they die.
3) The Ultimate Orgy of Homosexuality. *dies laughing* *holds in sides* So this features pretty much the same characters, but in a homosexual orgy. Don't watch this if you're likely to be grossed out by explicit cartoon shagging, jizzing, and suchly between men (and male-like creatures). Do watch if you don't mind all that and want to see something so, SO funny it makes you hurt from laughing. *sides collapse*
*still laughing*
Really should do some writing...
